Late on Thursday afternoon, Andy Hyatt asked me to step into his shoes and “do” the Friday Mail. Without missing a beat, I slipped my feet into his big, sensible brown brogues and pottered around the internet until I found some stuff that is sure to confound and delight you in equal measure. Some of it may even amaze you so much that you splutter “wow!” and accidentally spray boiling hot coffee/tea all over the person next to you. PLEASE be aware though, I am NOT encouraging such behaviour. I am merely forewarning you (and indeed the person next to you) of the possibility of such a thing happening. NOW, onwards.

Firstly, I wandered towards the BBC website. Why? I think it was because the leathery brown brogues I was wearing reminded me somewhat of Bruce Forsyth’s face, and he’s long since been a stalwart of our Auntie. Upon arriving, I kicked off Hyatt’s clodhoppers and padded inside. Sidestepping the swine flu scare stories and articles on BoJo’s attempts to have the Thames reinstated on the Tube Map, I came across this – http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8258307.stm in the Technology section. It’s about the new hi-tech gear that will allow magazines to have moving adverts and features inside of them – and as you can probably imagine, I for one am pretty excited about it. Just think of the possibilities – moving recruitment ads! Talking editorials! And honey-covered, high-kicking girls in bikinis writhing and cavorting with each other across the ever-shifting pages of Loaded. Cor!!

Before I got carried away with that train of thought, I was rudely interupted by a certain Mister Kanye West. It turns out that yes, he was going to let me finish, but first he just wanted to say that although Andy Hyatt’s big, sensible brown brogues were pretty good, Beyonce had a better pair. Which quite neatly brings me onto my next quite neat thing. Now, before I show you it, perhaps I should give you a quick recap. On Sunday at the MTV Video Music Awards, 19 year old, country singing sensation Taylor Swift won the award for Best Video. However, before she could complete her (most likely) weepy acceptance speech, Kanye leapt up on stage, grabbed the mic and said: “Taylor, I’m really happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.” The audience jeered, and Beyonce, who won video of the year and two other awards for Single Ladies, later invited Swift back onto the stage to complete her acceptance speech. Since then, everyone from Barack Obama (who branded the rapper “a jackass”) to Russell (who said it was “a very silly and irresponsible thing to do”) has waded in and joined the debate. Kanye has now apologised to the world and its mother, but the damage has been done. Spoofs have been popping up everywhere. And here are two of my favourites – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVmQ-15K-RA and http://www.kanyelicio.us/http:/www.hodes.co.uk/.

By now, Hyatt’s shoes were beginning to give me blisters. I counted myself lucky I wasn’t running 43 marathons like Eddie Izzard, and wearily trudged on to my final destination – the future. See, 2012 isn’t just the year that the Olympics come to this fair isle – according to those “in the know”, it’s also going to be when the world goes a bit, well, bonkers. Some say it’ll be when the rogue planet Nibiru makes passage through our solar system, and causes the Earth’s poles to shift in a disasterous fashion, resulting in a string of calamities and massive population shrinkage (which does have a few upsides, such as more room on the Tube, and less of a wait at the bar on a Friday night). Others reckon that as the 12th Bak’tum of the Mayan Long Count Calendar draws to an end on either the 21st or 23rd December (depending on whether you use the 584,285 or 584,283 correlation coefficient) the apocalypse will saunter into town. I reckon it’s all a load of hogwash though, dreamt up by Hollywood so they can make a whole slew of disaster movies to scare and frighten us into the cinema. But who cares when they look this amazing – http://www.whowillsurvive2012.com/?

Now…who’d like to rub some cream on me bunions?